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26 Things I Never Thought I’d Say as a Wife, Boymom & Pet Owner

My boys and me at my sister's wedding

In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I'd mix it up a little. Instead of writing about sentimental mom stories (which should be written year round), I reflected on a few questions and statements that come up on occasion in my life.​

  1. So, Funyuns are what, exactly?

  2. Do you think that tossing a rubber hedgehog at me is a good idea? (Said to the dog)

  3. Is that dirt or poop?

  4. Not wearing a cup in your game is a bad idea.

  5. That was in the hamper. Define clean for me, please.

  6. Did we cut our hair at school today?

  7. Sure, pick your nose. Just do it with your elbow.

  8. What is that smell?

  9. You wash your feet, right? Soap between the toes?

  10. (After counting them): Why do you have 42 bug bites?

  11. I will never put blue cheese dressing on pizza. Or a fried egg on a burger. Stop asking.

  12. There is no way we can be in (one town) at the same exact time as (another town).

  13. Who left the black Sharpie in his pocket before I put that laundry in?

  14. Your napkin goes on your lap (every night at dinner for the last 11 years).

  15. I’m not sure which one of you that was, but please open a window.

  16. If you use your forearm as a napkin one more time, I will tape napkins to your arms for the rest of this meal. (Then I did).

  17. Whose toenail is on the coffee table?

  18. Kitty litter is cheaper on Amazon.

  19. Don’t touch those – those are the GOOD scissors.

  20. Don’t eat that – it’s for a girls’ night out.

  21. My car is a mess; I haven’t been able to get out all of the dog barf.

  22. It’s Saturday, 7:30 (A.M.)! I slept in!

  23. For the sanity of our schedule, please refrain from participating in three men’s sports leagues this winter.

  24. Did you write that already, or are you asking for my opinion?

  25. Dad arranged a carpool? With whom? Tonight?

  26. How long has that wet towel been there?

Ah, married life and parenthood! After twenty years of marriage and fourteen years of motherhood, I have come to this conclusion: the days are long and the years are short.

I dedicate this blog entry to my own mother, Susan Claire Batchelder Pennoyer (1946-1998), who taught me that a sense of humor is as important as anything else in the world. She is pictured at left (c. 1973).

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