10 Headlines That Will Only Appear in The Onion or McSweeney’s

1. Hoarders, Hermits Thrilled by Quarantine

2. Parents Wonder If They Should Get Teachers’ Salary Plus Their Own

3. Teachers Wonder How to Parent AND Teach Their Own Offspring During Distance Learning

4. Meghan and Harry Thankful for COVID’s Move to the Spotlight

5. Leaves: Toilet Paper’s Ancestor

6. Sports Take Backseat to Monopoly, Apples to Apples; Twister Makes a Comeback

7. 100% of US Citizens Listen to CDC

8. Short-Order Cooks Get Hero Status After Americans Forced to Cook Every Meal

9. The Hoomans Are Home! Dogs Happy, Cats Pissed

10. COVID-19 Design Becomes #1 China Pattern for 2020 Bridal Registries